Sunday, June 29, 2008

Critique - Dialogue

It looks already very good, here my 2 cents:

Screen right woman:

let's start with the root/body. When she lifts her arms from the beginning until around x12, you could straight/rotate back her upper body a bit. Not a lot though, just a little more back so she gets a straighter torso, instead of only having the screen left rotation you got now. That way you can compress the body again when she lowers her arms to x21.
The body seems to stop too much at around x67 when she looks back to the cop. Ease more into that stop, so it's not that abrupt.

The hips seem a bit locked, it would be neat to adjust them during her little weight shifts. For instance, when she goes down at around x45, she could lean on her left leg, which would have that side of the hip go up a bit. There are other little moments where you could do that. Another bigger moment would be around x205 when she comes back after leaning on the cop. First around x199 the screen lift hip could be a bit higher since she's going down and the weight is on that leg and when the other leg touches the ground around x205, the hips could adjust to that side and back. Nothing huge, just acknowledge the weight shifts.

The main thing that stuck out to me with the head was the movement at around x58 when she looks to the cop. The body and the head move at the same time, I would lead it with the head. Then same problem occurs with the head just like the body, it stops very quickly. I would overshoot the head a bit.
When the cop moves after x71, it's a big mass moving screen left, so I would acknowledge that with having her head follow that movement. Nothing big, but right now it's a bit locked during that section, so just add a little head movement, as if she was tracking the cop.
After x165 the head is locked again until around x196. When she's trying to read the pad, definitely adjust her eyes so she actually looks at the pad(more on that later), but involve the head as well. She can rotate her head back on the move up and once she sees the pad you can move her head down and move it like she's scanning the pad. Once again, keep it subtle.
Lastly, I really like how she puts her hand on her face at the end. Since she's really pushing her face down, you could rotate the head counter clockwise from x292 to around x297, showing how the hand is pushing the head a bit.

Her arms: tiny thing, might not be a huge difference, but try it. :) Around x149, when her left arm swings screen right, before she leans over to the cop, feels a bit slow, I would accent that movement a bit more, make it a tiny bit faster, so it doesn't feel like something dead following the body for pure overlap intentions. That arm also gets a tiny bit floaty around x184.
Both arms and hand: when she moves her elbows in and arms down after x95 to x98, I would adjust her hands as well, rotate them more with the arms. They feel too separate during that movement. It's very visible looking at the screen left hand/arm.
I would also lessen the rotation on the screen left hand from x1 to x3. It's too much of a broken wrist and when the arm goes up and the wrist goes down, it looks like it's pivoting from the fingers.
Speaking of fingers, I wouldn't rotate them side to side as much, especially the pinky on x7. Both of them look like they're broken. Keep the shape simple and tuck in that pinky.
The screen left hand rotation from x19 to x20 is huge. The write is open and fingers are out, next frame the wrist is holding the other one and the fingers are cupped around it. Give that movement at least one more frame.

Back to the eyes. When she is reading the pad around x178, make sure she is actually looking at it.

I think "" could get bigger emphasis lipsync and jaw wise. There's a jaw pop around x65. During "I dont' have...", around x110 to x112 the lips get pinched, it's a weird shape it transitions into. On x261, the upper lip feels pinched in, it's an odd shape. After she leans back to around x218, you have do all those body movements while she hears how much she owes (in body, hands, eyebrows, etc.), but not in the mouth. I would have her mouth a little bit open, as this moment progresses, every time she cringes, close her mouth more to a point where she's really closing it with her lips as well.

Now the cop lady:

you mentioned last time that you haven't worked on her as much, so I don't know if this clip you sent me still reflects that. Overall I would say she feels less polished than the other woman. The movements are more linear and poppy.
For instance her head turn ending around x12 feels very liner, both in terms of arc and timing. Same goes for the head turn back. You don't need crazy movement, but just have more keep alive and ease more in and out of your movements. Although her bigger movement starting at x60 to x109 is nice (I would rotate her read clockwise during the move around x72, so that she drags her head a bit more, right now the body and head move too much in sync). But then the movement from around x110 to x119 feels very linear again. She's a bigger person, so there's more mass, which means it will take more effort on her part to move those masses. I'm not saying that you have her movements be really slow like a giant walking around, but if the movements are too fast and poppy (like during the x186 part), you take away from her weight. Even adding two frame cushions can help, it will still be cartoony enough. And by having her movements be more fluid you will add more contrast to her poppy moves when she tells her the amount of money. That part works for me because of her attitude and it makes that moment stand out more (better contrast).

When she moves her right arm at x39, I would ease out more by adding finger and wrist movement before the whole arm moves (you can also add tiny fingers moves during the head turn at the very beginning, so they are not so dead). Once she moves that arm, I would add more body rotation. Right now just her arm moves, which feels too separate to me, especially with her mass. The linear movement is also visible when she lowers her pad around x198. Soften those moments across the whole body, everything stops very quickly. Same with the move up on x276. Both are very linear again in terms of arcs and timing.

I would add more business to the fingers that hold the pad. For instance when she starts writing on it, because of the pressure she puts on, the fingers could tighten. Same when the other woman puts her hand on her arm.

All in all, coming along very nicely!

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