Sunday, October 19, 2008

Critique - Train


nice work!!

You could split it up into two pieces, but I like the timing overall, so I don't think you'd HAVE to present it in two parts.

Since it's so good, I'll be a bit more picky. :)

Watch the screen left arm at x13. As you move his body and arm up to this frame, it gets to a sudden stop. So on x14 and 15 I would continue a little movement in his arm so that the momentum keeps going, just like you have it in his wrist (which now looks a bit too isolated, since the arm is not moving). It's hard to tell at this size, but it looks like around x15, as he holds that pose, his left screen hand fingers are curled. It looks like he's gripping something, but he's not. I would open up the fingers a bit more, so it's more of a balance thing, less of a fist.

You have a big arm movement from x18 to 19. I would drag the hand more on 19, then rotate the wrist more clockwise on x21. Lower the shoulder on x22. You're overextending the arm until x24. It's cool how it snaps into that pose, but looks a bit uncomfortable with such an overextension. No need to bend the arm like crazy, just give it a hint. Maybe you already have it, but it's away from the camera, so move the elbow pole vector.

When he gets stuck from x60 to x77 he keeps the same facial expression. I would open his mouth from 60 to something, to extend the shock that goes through his body (extend the screen left fingers on x63/64 as well - imagine the shockwave going through the entire body, exiting through the finger tips; right now your fingers are always curled). You can always close the mouth again as he turns around.

His left leg hop from x64 to 71 is too slow and even. It doesn't really look like his lifting his foot off the ground either. I would make it a bit faster and add more weight. You don't have to lift it, but at least change the rotation (move heel counter clockwise).

You're overextending his right arm from x117 to 189. You can go into that extension a tiny bit smoother and have until x130, but when he relaxes the pull and starts looking back towards us, it feels very awkward. Especially on x134 when his shoulder pops back. It's as if the arm is can't bend and is pushing the elbow back. The hand is not locked though, it doesn't seem to hold on to anything, which makes that extended arm look even weirder.

Look at x210, the screen left shoulder could be move forward. All you can see is that little ball geometry and gives the left side of his body a harsh silhouette. Rotate the shoulder forward. If that starts to bend his left arm and you want it straight, then move the elbow up or down so that we don't see the bend (although I wouldn't mind a tiny bent arm).

The shake of the metro around x221 is pretty small, his move to x231 just feels too exaggerated. It's very "animated" because the reaction to the bump is huge and how he starts that motion is slow, which makes it look even more like he's not really reacting to that bump, but more acting to that bump.

Watch the screen right hand finger curl from x246 to 290. They are in the same curled position throughout, you could sneak in a few nicer poses. Then on x274 the hand/arm feels IK-ish. It could just be a visual thing, but with that hand rotation up after x275, then having the body move but the hand stay still from x282 to 284, it looks too locked. Give it more life during that section.

The paper flutter-fly-away and his bent hat is awesome during the x300 part. :)

You're giving away the IK again on his right hand from x305 to 307 by having his elbow move that much, yet his hand is stuck on the window.

You said you're still working on x330 till the end. I would add bigger fist hammering moves. This is the final climax and he feels a bit tame during that last section. You could also have him mouth "NOOO!!!!" for some facial contrast at the end.

Phew! Hope that didn't kill you. But again, it's looks awesome!



Chetan Trivedi said...

great!! that was a super cool crit..
keep em coming, Jean


Jean-Denis Haas said...

Hahaha, thanks! I'll do my best (they take time). :)