Friday, August 28, 2009
Critique - Mom & kid at table
This would be a good clip to discuss in the workshop (so we can act things out).
In the meantime though, what was a bit distracting in the first shot was the new way the little girl picks up the food. It's so specific and deliberate that I was more drawn to her and how she goes about picking up the food so that I missed what the mom was doing. So now you have two characters fighting for the audience's attention. I actually preferred what you had before (just toned down by 10%).
For the 2nd shot, how her hand comes up with the food still feels mechanical and more like something that you want in the shot in order to keep her or the shot busy. Her upper body is also a bit floaty at the beginning as she leans to the right. Let's look at that in the workshop next week.
3rd shot, the ideas for the girl are there, but how each beat is presented feels a bit rushed and not with enough purpose and character. Another section we should act out.
Hope that helps!